The World Hates You

so depressed

Sat, 24 Feb 2007 14:46:29 GMT

im so depressed.

steven totally blew me off last night..sigh. i just layed in my bed crying last night cuz i just hate everything right now. i hate him so much right now. why do bad things always happen to me? i thought everything was going great, and then, this. my life is so pathetic. i want to be thin too, so im gonna do everything in my power to get what i want. well, thats all i have to say right now.

Tue, 16 Jan 2007 22:32:53 GMT

well, my parents hate me. they think im a useless piece of shit that cant do anything. my mom made that apparently clear to me today when she was telling me how horrible i am in the car infront of GT. i dont know what the fuck their problem is. like i already dont fucking feel like shit. i feel like the fattest fucking whale on the planet today, and she just made me feel 100x worse about myself. well, u know what? i'll show them. u just wait, i will.

Wed, 10 Jan 2007 04:18:22 GMT

Happy <3

Tue, 19 Dec 2006 19:33:57 GMT

this is for chantelle:

whoever said all those things that amanda said about u were true is a fucking asshole. its NOT true, she just said those things out of anger. i dont think ur pathetic or a horrible excuse for a human being, u know i love u, and i always will. im gonna give u a call tomorrow, cuz i have another gift for u, i think u'll love it. be happy ok? u'll always have me as a friend. <3

fuck

Tue, 12 Dec 2006 18:40:03 GMT

well, things arent that great. there, i said it. im 136, and i hate it. chantelle, maybe we can starve together? im so sad. For some reason, amanda wont talk to me. i havent heard from her in a while. i think its cuz i got defensive cuz she never contacted me once since she's moved in with Sharon. i feel neglected from everyone. well, cept alina. i have a b-ball party tonight, and then a work party on thursday night. i missed my dentist appointment today cuz i slept in. my moms gonna be sooooooo pissed. im not quite ready for that. and...i wanna be thin again. fuck.

BOR-ED

Thu, 16 Nov 2006 16:24:47 GMT

Im bored. BOR-ED. im going swimming soon. (oh yeah, i started swimming so i can get into shape) im trying to eat 3 meals a day too. (go me!) i watched Narnia this morning--> love that movie, and King Kong too. im like obsessed with watching it, no idea why really. i have to bike in the rain in 20 mins. damn. damn. damn. bored, bored, bored. ive been doing a lot more artwork lately too. yay, art. i cant wait till xmas, its gonna be awesome this year, i just have a feeling. i got like a shit load of new clothes. some new pin-striped shoes too <3. i wonder what im gonna do this weekend? no fecking clue. no clue. hopefully SOMETHING interesting...well, im gonna head off now, gotta get ready for some painful swimming. byes. <3

Mon, 16 Oct 2006 18:39:05 GMT

Here are some pics of mandi and i's adventures with the camera.

Thu, 05 Oct 2006 13:00:01 GMT

ive decided that im gonna write in here, but only about good things. i'll keep my bad thoughts to myself. Kyle is supposed to take me to Pet today so i can get my 2nd correspondence book, but i dont know for sure cuz he locked both sets of his keys in his car. (i know, stupid). i have a dentist appt today too, i really dont wanna go cuz i majorly hate the dentists, but oh well, it will be over soon (well, after 3:30) im prolly gonna hang out with Mandi today too. we're going to ottawa on sat, then saturday night im supposed to hang out with paul. so, this weekend should be eventful, hopefully. cya.

Wed, 20 Sep 2006 21:24:16 GMT

Who ever is telling my mother what im writing in this journal please fess up. cuz of u im not longer writing here after this post. goodbye

Tue, 19 Sep 2006 19:29:49 GMT

starting tomorrow, its diet time. diet, diet, diet. gotta lose some weight now!

sooo scared

Mon, 18 Sep 2006 18:57:01 GMT

fuck. she's gonna be home soon, and im scared about it. i didnt go to school today, but im not gonna tell her that. hopefully she'll believe me....god. we got in a big fight last night, and she said if i wanted to not go to school anymore that id have to talk to my dad about it. i cant do that. i never talk to my dad about anything. he's just gonna yell and yell and yell at me, i know it. im so fat now too..but im starting (today) to lose weight, and i know i will. i have to. well, wish me luck. bye for now.

idol

Mon, 18 Sep 2006 00:30:17 GMT

BOOOOOOOOO!!!! Eva won canadian idol (poor craig) and, its just what we need, another stick thin beauty singer...blah. craig was the underdog, i wanted him to win, but he didnt. stupid skinny chick, lol.

Fri, 15 Sep 2006 18:30:05 GMT

Ugh, so fat. missed so much school already cuz i cant face ppl when im this fat. ew. i hope everything will turn out ok.

ps: chantelle, i love ur hair.

Mon, 11 Sep 2006 19:40:51 GMT

chantelle, if u read this today. call me.

Sun, 10 Sep 2006 00:27:48 GMT

well, still sick. actually, worse. bleh. i cant handle my eating disorder anymore..so im just gonna give up on it. a lot of ppl seem to be so focused on weight, and when everyone is talking about it, it just makes me think of it more. im not mad at anyone or anything, but i just wish that weight wasnt so important. i dont know why ppl are making it so important. everyone saying they wanna be thin makes it even harder for me to get better. so, in turn, i just fucking give up. so im gonna leave some advice to the 2 ladies i love the most.

Mandi: dont give up on ur mom, i know u really want to cuz she's really messing up this time, but she's prolly just pissed at u cuz ur talking to ur dad again. i know its really childish, but she's ur mom, so u have to give her all the chances in the world.

Chantelle: for gods sake, ur not fat! grant isnt cheating on u cuz he loves u for who u are, and so does everyone else. ive told u this a million times but not eating food is just gonna make that feeling worse hun, and i dont want to see that happen to u. so if it gets any worse, for gods sake go get some help. i know ur gonna hate me for saying this, but really, dont u just wanna not have those feelings? i know i dont.

anyway, gosh this was a long post, and i hope i dont get hated over it, but i feel its my job as a friend to not fucking sit back and not say anything.

sick..

Fri, 08 Sep 2006 15:44:40 GMT

omg im really sick. i dont know whats wrong. my mother said if it gets any worse she's gonna take me to the hospital. i cant take this shit anymore. being sick all the time is ruining my fucking life, setting me back from everything. fuck fuck fuck. im going back to bed, it hurts less when im sleeping.

Wed, 06 Sep 2006 19:59:52 GMT

omg, 2nd day of school and i felt like a fucking whale. i weighed myself last night: 120Ibs (thats fucking disgusting) i look like the biggest fatty on the planet. ugh, i wanna cut.

Mon, 04 Sep 2006 00:26:57 GMT

wow. like, everyone is gone. school is gonna be so weird. i hate that im staying, but i guess thats kinda my own fault. its gonna be so lonely without a whole bunch of friends at school like it used to be....blech. everything is changing ppl, i really dont like change; it scares me.

Wed, 30 Aug 2006 23:24:23 GMT

Today was ok. we went to ottawa. i got some new clothes, but we're going back on Sat so i can make my halloween bear (the build a bear work shops) i had to wait cuz the halloween ones come out on friday. i got weighed today. 125. not bad. he said i should be 135, but he said he'll let it pass cuz im eating. phew. i guess im ok with that weight, but im really just trying not to think about it. for some reason i still fit into my size 3's....strange. anyway....OMG SCHOOL ON TUESDAY!!!! holy crap that summer went quick.

Tue, 29 Aug 2006 01:13:48 GMT

So much pain. it will all be over soon. i cant think of any day this week that i didnt cry cuz of the way i am. everything is so awesome for everyone else. why am i being punished? i just want to be free. free of pain.

Sun, 27 Aug 2006 15:00:30 GMT

my mom bought me jack and sally dolls! i love em! (we also gotta awesome new printer!)

my list

Fri, 25 Aug 2006 19:32:04 GMT

Soon all my pain will be over. i know it will.

things ive always wanted to do:

-go to canadore college for fine arts.
-move to PEI
-fuck that guy at work that looked like rob zombie :P
-buy my laptop
-BE HAPPY
-be skinny without being sick
-meet johnny depp
-Be the most pretty girl in the room
-have OLP play at my wedding
-have an all black wedding with the bag pipes playing
-have an all black funeral with all my friends to see me off.

anyone else? what's ur list?

Thu, 24 Aug 2006 13:49:28 GMT

This is not how i want to live my life. im disgusted with both my body and my mind. my body is fat and huge, and my mind is weak. i hate being fat. Do me a favour and just kill me now.

Mon, 21 Aug 2006 22:53:25 GMT

my life is over. im so depressed. im so....hungry. i cant stop eating food cuz my stomach's feeling so in need of it. i want to die. i want to end it all. i cant live this way, i fucking hate everything.

Mon, 21 Aug 2006 14:17:49 GMT

to try and get better, and not over eat, im gonna start with 300 cals a day, and try that for a week. u cant gain weight from that can u? ....of course not, but im scared. so yeah, 300cals. ick, i better not get fat.